I read an article today ”My Mom’s Addiction”by a daughter who refuses to forgive her mother. The article is a stark reminder of the damage done by drug addiction. I sent the article to a friend who spent his life addicted to alcohol and as such would be in a better position than me to comment. Following is how he replied:
“ This is my first gut reaction to this article: it sounds to me like the author of this needs to work on her own personal 8th and 9th Steps. I do not see forgiveness in this article and I do not see the perspective nor the understanding I would expect to see from an alcoholic, which the author is.
I can certainly understand the pain, confusion and bitterness associated with living in a dysfunctional family like that; what I don’t understand is being a sponsor for other newcomers to AA when it is pretty obvious this lady has quite a bit of work still to do on her own program.”
After reading my friend’s reaction I then scrolled down through the comments left at the end of this woman’s article and to my surprise I found the following comment written by a mother who explains how, without forgiveness, sobriety is meaningless and without solid foundations. Sobriety is a spiritual path based on love and forgiveness.
“I am the mother that you described. I do not know you, but this is my story. I am clean over 25 years and my daughter still refuses to forgive me for the many years of my addiction. I have come to learn, in my own recovery that I cannot expect others to change…to seek higher spiritual ground…just because I got sober. I am not the person that I was when I was drunk/loaded, but I am still not the person I was when my daughter was small.
Today I know that her childs’ mind saw what she needed as a child. Today, I pray that her refusal to forgive me and enter into adult relationship with me effects her kids in only a minimal way, but I doubt it.
Unforgiveness can be an addiction of its’ own and it can be passed from generation to generation, just like chemical addiction. Because of AA I know that resentment is the number one killer of my own personal growth in recovery. I hope and pray that God may do for you what you say that you cannot do for yourself.”
In order to keep us from experiencing the truth the ego has a limitless collection of bad memories to keep us busy. We find these memories popping up unexpectedly and always just when you think that things are going well.
How many times in the day do you find yourself regretting things you have done or failed to do? How many times do you find yourself resenting things people have done to you or failed to do for you? Feelings of regret and resentment are always followed by bitter memories that create dis-ease.
The ego does not want you to know the truth because knowing the truth would mean it will no longer exist. The ego will use everything at its disposal to maintain the illusion you imagine to be real because that is the only way it can ensure its survival.
The ego is borne out of lifetimes of reacting in certain ways to people and situations. It is borne out of thought patterns that have become the norm and give rise to feelings that attract the people and circumstances to create what you believe to be true. The way out of the web of illusion created by the ego is to change these habitual reactions and thought patterns. No, it is not easy but it can be done and people like Jesus have shown that it can. Discipline and perseverance are what is required. Discipline involves doing something that does not come naturally and so discipline enables us to counteract our own subconscious programming in order to change. Of course there will be resistance but simply see the resistance as an indication that you are on the right track.
Passive Resistance through Forgiveness is the Key to Enlightenment
The key to realising the truth is through passively resisting to believe in the illusion any more. Simply refuse to believe in the illusion being presented and accept that we imagine it to be real. By choosing to see everyone and everything in the world as projections of mind that we deny and spontaneously forgiving them as they arise the truth will eventually be revealed and the veil of maya lifted from our eyes.
Just like our dreams at night, this world is a dream. Just as everyone and everything in our nocturnal dreams represent aspects of our mind, everything and everyone in our waking world is also a symbol that is not real.
Realising the world is an illusion does not mean we shouldn’t participate and do our duty. We have a responsibility to live the life we are given but without being attached to it as we were when we imagined it to be real. By changing our attitude to the world we change our lives and we become happy and content as a result.
How can you not become happy when you realise that life is a movie. You are the hero and also the villain. You are the movie set, the props, all the other actors and actresses, and the director. You are the camera and you are also the screen. There is only you and there has never been anyone else and you just imagined it all. This is how we each live our lives and that is the reason why we each keep coming back to learn this lesson.
There is Nothing in this World other than”I”
Stop wasting your life fighting the imagined battle of good against evil. The good and evil you see are symbols of the conflict within your own split mind projected on the screen of the world. Every time you judge another person or the world you are subscribing to the illusion and you immerse yourself in a movie that is not real. You choose a lifetime in a prison of your own making even though you hold the key to your own freedom. The ego likes nothing better than you believing in the illusion because by doing so you are ensuring its survival.
Like dreams you have had at night and cannot remember when you awaken , this life will not be remembered when you come back and awaken in your next body. However, each time you return you bring back with you your habitual reactions and attitude. You mind does not change as you go from one life to another unless you have changed your mind while you were alive. Changing your mind requires expending the necessary energy and discipline and this can only be done while you are alive and engaging in the illusion you imagine to be real. Those people who try to escape through suicide find themselves right back where they started. Some people imagine that we go to Hell or Heaven when we die and that’s the end of it. That too is a false assumption. There is no escape from our responsibility and death is certainly not a way out. We keep coming back because it is our responsibility and our duty to see through the illusion and return to God.
The Resurrection is Enlightenment and waking up from this Dream
Everything and everyone around us is constantly providing us with the opportunities to wake up. The resurrection referred to in the Bible has nothing to do with the body. The Resurrection Christ was referring to is of the mind. We attach too much importance to the body which is but a symbol and nothing more. The body exists in the mind and that is why changes we make in the mind affect the body. The mind commands and the body obeys. This in itself is not as important as the real goal which is enlightenment and being one with God.
Enlightenment is the Resurrection and it is not of the body but of the mind when it awakens from this dream. The truth is right here but lies hidden behind the elaborate illusion we call the world. This is how the ego keeps us distracted and attached to the illusion.
The key to enlightenment or resurrection is to stop giving energy to the shadows we perceive as real. Forgive everything and everyone and make forgiveness a natural reaction. When we do this we awaken from our dream and we join God who patiently waits for us.
Following is a 6 minutes video clip of an interview with the author Gary R Renard about the book The disappearance of the Universe which is well worth watching.
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“I am the mother that you described. I do not know you, but this is my story. I am clean over 25 years and my daughter still refuses to forgive me for the many years of my addiction. I have come to learn, in my own recovery that I cannot expect others to change…to seek higher spiritual ground…just because I got sober. I am not the person that I was when I was drunk/loaded, but I am still not the person I was when my daughter was small. 
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