Two Types of Adulterer
There are two types of adulterers; the one-offs and the serial adulterers. The ones who do it only once would never have had an affair had they not met that one in a million ‘special’ person and when the universe seemed to arrange circumstances in a way that made it inevitable. It can be described like an accident that occurs when a person happens to cross the road exactly at that moment when a car tears round the corner and the driver is just then distracted by a phone call. For those people who are one-off adulterers it seems to come at a crucial time in their marriages and is in fact more about the marriage than the affair. For the one-off adulterers, afterwards, their shame and guilt are so deep they can feel nothing but craven gratitude towards the spouse they have betrayed for still being there for them. Serial adulterers have affairs regardless of whom they marry although many would kid themselves otherwise. Their affairs are nothing to do with their marriages but rather something they are subconsciously compelled to do or life would be unbearable otherwise. They are addicted to having affairs the way someone could not imagine the weekend without a few glasses of wine. The serial adulterer’s way of operating may seem more despicable but they are usually better at deceit and therefore less likely to destroy their perfectly decent marriages because of the fulfilment they experience from the thrills they get outside their marriages. Morally, however, there is no difference!
The Once – Off Adulterer
The once-off adulterer will seek therapy to cope with the unbearable guilt and shame they feel. Their unconscious desire to be punished for what they have done often leads them to push away their spouses and destroy what might otherwise have resulted in a stronger bond between them. Once-off adulterers who have sought Hypnotherapy from us are actually very honourable people who were simply unable to fight off subconscious forces that resulted in them finding something they lacked for a long time in their own marriages. During therapy they realise this and become more open to finding what they felt lacking in their marriages by seeing the part they themselves played in causing it in the first place. These people go on to experience renewed and fulfilling relationships with their spouses especially when their spouses also come for therapy and they both work through the issues that caused what happened.
The Serial Adulterer
The serial adulterer, however, tends to be narcissistic in nature and normally does not see anything wrong with what they are doing. These people would therefore rarely consider therapy to change a behaviour they have come to accept as normal and even a necessary part of their lives. Ironically their marriages provide them with the security they need in their everyday lives and balances the adrenaline rush they feel from their extra marital affairs. They become so addicted to the adrenaline of their affairs that they do not know how to live without it. As long as they are not found out the serial adulterers keep doing it and are perfectly happy leading their double lives. Serial adulterers who do seek therapy often arrive at the clinic because they have been found out and they are there simply to placate their irate spouses with a view to getting things back to ‘normal’ so they can continue as they have always done but with more caution so as not to be caught again. We do our best to help these people realise that there are subconscious forces at work that compel them to behave as they do and also help them realise the emotional damage their actions cause. Those who do genuinely cooperate and are open to exploring their inner minds with a view to understanding why they do what they do often uncover the unconscious reasons for their behaviour in their childhoods. These people do go on to experience remorse and a willingness to work with their spouses to develop lasting relationships and strong marriages.
To Treat the Adulterer and Spouse
At Setanta Hypnotherapy Clinic in Peel we offer people hope and it comes in the form of Analytical Hypnotherapy. We provide you and your spouse with a choice to be treated by either a male or female therapist. Mary and I are experienced in treating both the one-off and the serial adulterer and their spouses. We also offer treatment to people other than the spouses of serial adulterers who have suffered at their hands and find it difficult to move on with their lives after the affair has ended. If you would like to find out more about how we can help you please e-mail or call on Tel: 842938 to book a free initial consultation.